Priya looked at her wedding photos, in which she was smiling, but now it’s a distant memory. After 5 years of marriage, she has realized that her husband, Raj, has been sharing their private arguments with his best friend and, worse, taking sides against her. This changed their vibrant love into cold arguments and led to a loss of trust in him. Any couple who thinks of a loyalty crisis probably sees it as “cheating”. Well, it’s more than that. Its differing priorities, secrecy, taking external opinions, or even emotional detachment.
It’s a broader term, and we are going to understand how it can seriously destroy your marriage, as unresolved loyalty issues may start small and even go unnoticed at first. You might think it’s normal to share private arguments with friends or family, or even take their opinions initially.
But it signifies that your partner’s feelings come second. And it slowly creates a wall between you and your partner. With betrayals, distrust, and a series of thoughts, “I am not your priority”, the wall becomes unbreakable between partners. The distance grows over time, and without resolution, couples choose divorce or separation.
Understanding The Loyalty Crisis In Marriage
In simple terms, a loyalty crisis is giving priority to external relationships over your partner. This could be your friends, family, or colleagues’ opinion. This breeds divided loyalty, eroding trust and unity. One partner consistently selects others’ views or needs over their own in their personal matters.
When we talk about a loyalty crisis in marriages, this creates more problems between couples. Because the spouse facing a loyalty crisis is constantly fighting a battle with their partner, seeking the priority they deserve in their life. And if this goes unaccepted or unheard, the spouse may feel resentment, isolation, or even emotionally unsafe.
These unprotected feelings soon lead to constant arguments or even ideas of separation, leaving the entire relationship fragile or vulnerable.
Common Thoughts That Arise During Loyalty Crisis
In marriages, the person who feels betrayed may feel hurt, insecure, or rejected when their partner keeps gaslighting them into accepting their family’s or friends’ decisions over their own. Here are the kind of thought patterns that forms in such situations:
- I am not as important as his family or friends are.”
- “Is it safe to share my feelings with him if he is going to tell all these things to friends/family?”
- “Why do I have to fight for my worth in my own marriage?”
- “I feel alone even when we are together.”
In contrast, the partner who is prioritizing their friends and family over their partner, they possibly have these thoughts:
- “I can’t hurt my family/friends’ feelings by not listening to them.”
- “She is overreacting. Family/friends are just helping us.”
How Loyalty Turns Into Crisis?
Just like healthy loyalty makes a relationship stronger, weak or divided loyalty results in a crisis. Loyalty is formed with open communication, listening to your partner, and giving them a sense of validation. But if one partner is more loyal to their family or friends than their own partner, this creates a rift between them. And the above thoughts start to come to mind.
They feel alone and disconnected, or they think their thoughts and decisions have no value in their marriage. These thoughts slowly bring conflict between partners, and if it goes unnoticed, it either causes permanent damage in marriages or even escalates to divorce.
Practical Steps To Resolve Loyalty Issues In Marriage
As discussed, divided loyalty can have profound implications for your happy marriage. And so it’s essential to take quick action before things get worse. Let’s learn some practical steps you can take to resolve the existing loyalty issues:
1. Acknowledging The Loyalty Issues
The very first step is to admit the existing division or rift in your relationship, without guilt or blame. This could start with a conversation like: "I know I am prioritizing my family over us, and that certainly hurts you". With this self-reflection, you not only break denial but also build mutual understanding with your partner.
2. Establish Clear Boundaries With External Influences
When you are with your friends or family, try not to discuss marital issues without your partner's consent, and ensure you side with your partner in public. Set pointers and weekly reminders to keep your "loyalty bond" intact when confronting external influences. This will reduce triangulation (a theory that states that when couples are under stress, one of them seeks support from a third party, creating triangles) and reestablish trust.
3. Build Healthy Loyalty Habits
Small but consistent acts of loyalty have a significant impact on improving relationships. You can do it by doing something special, or making a small gesture to make them feel valued or special, or spending quality time with them. For this, you can avoid family/friend interference and defend yourself in social settings.
4 .Establish Trust With Transparency
Be transparent with your partner. If they feel you are hiding something, interact with them openly and confront their negative feelings. Initiate healthy conversations like: "I know I have made mistakes in the past, but now I want to prevent them. How can we fix it…?"
5. Track Progress And Seek Reinforcement
It's essential to monitor your partner's feelings. You can do weekly check-ins or even ask them what they feel about them. Strengthen your bond with your partner and reassure them that you are a team and that, together, you can win in any situation.
Final Words
Loyalty crises in marriages are not to be ignored as they not only escalate to mistrust but also cause relationship breakdown. As we discussed various examples, we also discussed what actually happens during loyalty issues, the kinds of thoughts that form at that time, and the serious decisions they can make.
And so it’s essential to resolve these matters quickly, without delays. The practical ways mentioned above can help fix existing loyalty issues. Still, if the situation has gone out of control, it’s essential to seek help from a professional marriage/relationship counsellor.
Indian Counselling Services provides a certified marriage counselling course. Learn relationship dynamics, scientific theories, and social dynamics that impact relationships and gain knowledge on divorce, breakups, and co-parenting.
